Gottman - 5 to 1
John Gottman, Ph.D


  • There needs to be a 5:1 relationship.  For every negative event, there needs to be at least 5 positive ones.  This is a strange bank account where for every dollar you take out, you need to put back in 5 more.
  • Couple Rituals are particularly powerful, because they regularly and “routinely” make deposits in the bank account.  If you have 12 couple rituals, you’re likely making significant deposits on a near-daily basis, not including all the other things (like romantic acts) that make steady deposits.
  • However, some negatives are more negative than others and the 4 big ones are the horsemen of the apocalypse.