5 Love Languages


Everyone has a primary and secondary “Love Language,” which is how you like to receive expressions of love and caring.  Similar to spoken language, you have a main one, and then likely a secondary one.  In this case, everyone appreciates all five love languages, but there are a couple that really touch you especially.

I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do.

Words of Affirmation.  

I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time with me alone.  Not just time, quality time.

Quality Time.

I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands, or taking on my chores.

Receiving Gifts.

Three Power Words

Acts of Service.

I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through physical contact.

Physical Touch.


So What

You might have a love language of Acts of Service and Quality time.  In that, it would be common for you to imagine that people in your life find those to be particularly pleasing as well.  Someone you care about might actually have the love languages of Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.  The resulting mismatch may have the other person not feeling as cared for as they really are.  You’re doing dishes, helping out, and hanging out with the person you care for, yet they’d really love it if you hugged them more and told them your thoughts and feelings about them.

What are your primary and secondary love languages?  Do the people in your life know what they are?

Consider the core 7 – 10 people in your life.  Do you know what their primary and secondary love languages are? 


Now What

What are your partner’s love languages? 

Look and listen for them.  Are they wanting to be near you and hang on you?  Is your partner very verbal and commenting on activities, other people, or yourself?  Is your partner wanting to do things with you, talk with you, and be your partner in things?  Does your partner make something for you, or give you something, or share stories about things?  Does your partner clean up in the home, get things for you, help out at work, or offer to clean up after meals?  People tend to show you their love language(s).

Work it out backwards – ask your partner how they display caring for others, and how they like to be cared for themselves.  Then, ask them to think of other ways people in general display caring.  After that has finished, talk about the five love languages, and get their reactions to them.  Finish with their guess about the love languages of the most important people in their lives. 

The five love languages are not a complete picture in and of themselves.  They are a useful lens by which to see an element of life that may be more obscured otherwise.