Recommitment

Recommitment ring couple ritual

While making my way from the airport to a conference, I took the opportunity to ask the cab driver about his couple rituals.  He had a lot of them and we reached the hotel before he was done.  I said, “I tell you what.  You can keep the meter running for as long as you can talk to me about couple rituals.”  He racked up another $55 on the meter before he finally tapped his memory for the moment!  My favorite ritual from that night was his morning ring “routine.” 

This couple ritual is best suited for married or engaged couples that have/use rings.  Every morning, while you are both getting dressed or before you leave for your day, take 30 seconds to complete this ritual.  Hold each other’s hands and look into each other’s eyes.  Gently remove your partner’s ring and hold on to it.  As you each place the ring back on your mate’s finger, say a soft “I love you.”  Hug.  Go on with your day.

I call this ritual “Recommitment,” because it is a symbol for just that.  All rituals have symbols or are symbols in their actions.  Taking a very brief moment on a frequent basis to make a deep connection and honor the commitment to one another is so powerful because it is a small thing done frequently – remember the principle of Kaizen in the “How does one best use these rituals?” section.

For some reason, when people hear this ritual, there are gasps of disbelief and questions about how long couples who do this have been married.  Others comment on logistical problems like they don’t get up at the same time or their rings won’t come off.  If this ritual fits your relationship and life, try it out.  If not, marvel at those who have used this couple ritual for years and found it to be an incredibly powerful and meaningful part of their life.

 

Variations

  • People change this one by doing different things with the rings.  Some folks hold the ring to the heart, while others kiss it. 
  • Quite often, couples reported doing something similar to this, but not every day.  Some did it when dressing up in formal attire, on holidays and anniversaries, or when the mood struck them.
  • The rings came off at night, and then got put back on one another the following morning
  • Restate marriage vows as you’re putting the rings back on one another
  • Instead of taking the rings off, try simply rubbing the rings.
  • One couple did it a bit differently, along the lines of a traveling ritual, yet I thought I’d include it here as a variation.  One had an engineering ring that he wore on his pinky finger; when he left for his job, he would take it off and his partner would put it on her finger.  While separated, each would notice – he because the ring was not there, and she because it was there.  When they separated, they had a little ritual of the exchange of the rings, and again when they were reunited.  Theirs was a simple gazing in the eyes for minute in silence, and then voicing an I love you.  There are many similar variations in the traveling section.

 

Principal Purposes Served

  • Stable touchstone
  • Emotional money in the bank
  • Nurturing contact
  • Builds the relationship culture and history
  • Communicate values and beliefs (particularly commitment)
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